Unhone bahut kaha ki Anushka mat jao , lekin wo mujhe apni life me chahte h ye to kahin se dikh hi nhi rha tha. They say ki if a man loves you to wo tumhe jeetne ki koshish hamesha karega , zindagi bhar. Pr yahan to kuch mahino baad hi Adi k efforts ja chuke the. Or maybe ab unki life me Mera koi place nhi tha. Park se hostel tab ka rasta bada lamba tha. Raste me collapse n ho jau bas yahi darr lag rha tha. Khud me jaise jaan hi n ho. Khud ko bas dhakel rhi thi mai. Maa k paas ja kr bas itna hi kaha maine ki mujhe unki jaroorat h , wo mujhe apne paas bula leti. Adi baar baar mujhe apni or la rhe the lekin mujhe apradhbodh ho rha tha, wo embrace jisme kabhi mujhe sukoon milta tha ab unke kareeb Jane pr bhi aisa lag rha tha ki koi paap kr rhi mai. Kyuki unpr kisi or ka adhikaar tha. Mai kisi or stree k irsha ka karan nhi Banna chahti. Kisi or ka adhikaar nhi cheen na chahti. Mai hostel aagai , fir jee bhar k roi or tab jaise maa ne meri baat sun li ho mujhe sudden khud k andar ek ajeeb si energy feel Hui. Ab wakt tha ek important decision lene ka. Ek clarity ka. Agar wo mere liye nhi lad sakte to mai bhi ab kuch nhi karungi. Mai bhi ab unki taraf koi kadam nhi badhaungi. Bina kisi adhikar k , mai koi duty perform nhi karungi. Ab mere roothne pr bhi unka adhikar nhi hoga. Didi ne kaha tha ki agar unme samarth nhi hoga mere liye samaj se ladne ka to kisi or me jaroor hoga jo samaj ke samne Mera hath taam sakenge. To mai kisi samarthvaan ki prateeksha karu. Shakti ki ichcha to sab rakhte h. Kintu Shakti kewal unhi k paas jati h jiske paas samarth hota h. Mere standards kya the or unke liye maine kya kr liya tha. Mera standard ek high value man ka , pr yahan mai kisi or k behalf pr khud ko date pr invite kr rhi thi. Kya kr liya tha maine khud ka , unke liye jinhe isse shayad hi koi fark tha. I realised ki it was the high time ki mai apni energy wapas lu, khud k feminine energy me jau. They say ki if a man wouldn't then another will . To wastav me aise insaan ka wait Karu jo mere liye badlenge. Jinke liye mai gussa nikalne ka nhi balki shant krne ka zariya hoon. Jo mere liye mantra or stotra seekh lenge. Jo mujhe kisi chiz k liye blame nhi karenge balki jo mujhe unki Shakti manenge. Jo koi award ya kuch bhi jeetne k baad sabse pehle mere paas aayenge. Jo Pure samaj k samne Mera hath thamenge Bina kisi sankoch k. Jo apni maa se meri baaten batayenge Khushi k sath. Pr baat ye bhi h ki Adi k atirikt or kisi ka vichar bhi nhi kr sakti mai. Dms or requests abhi bhi pade hue h lekin kisi ka reply nhi kr pai , na hi kr paungi. Kyuki unke atirikt koi acha nhi lagta mujhe. Pr ab mai ye bhi accept kr chuki thi ki agar Adi ko badalna hoga to wo yun bhi mere liye badal jayenge , Bina mere kuch kiye. Or else nhi. Unhone kaha tha ki ladkiyan jab bore hoti h to jati h , nhi Adi ladkiyan jab tod di jati h tab jati h. Isiliye it's high time now ki mai apni feminine energy me wapas jau. Wo masculine bane to thi, if not fir bhi mai apni energy nhi change karungi. Adi kehte to h ki wo sab thik kr denge , pr kya wo wapas se wahi Adi ban payenge jinki taraf maine kadam badhaye the. Kya wo mera toota hua vishwas wapas jod denge ? Kya mere disrespect ko respect me change kr denge ? Wo kehte to h ki mere liye kuch bhi karenge pr kya Adi mujhe waisa treat kr payenge jaise Agravin Avni ko krte h ? Kya Adi kabhi bhi mujhe unki Shakti Maan payenge ? Kya Adi ab kabhi mujhe disrespect nhi karenge ? Kya Adi kal ko sabke samne Mera hath thamne ka samrath rakhenge ? Kya wo itne samrthvaan ban payenge ? Kya Adi ek high value man banege ? Kya kal ko koi award ya kuch jeetne pr Adi sabse pehle mere paas aayenge ? Kya Adi actually man in love ban payenge ? Adi chahte h ki hum life time sath rhe, pr bas kuch hi mahino me unhone efforts krna chor diya . Jab ki I wanted ki jis insaan k sath mai rahu wo 10 saal baad bhi mujhe suprise dinner date pr le kr jaye , flowers le kr aaye ya office Jane se pehle ek letter mere pillow k niche rakh de , ya fir 20 saal baad bhi mere banaye khane ki tarif usi tarah kare jaise pehle baar kiya tha. Ki har Devi Pooja k baad wo ek phool le kr mujhe bhi de. Ki koi bhi decision lene se pehle wo meri taraf dekhe isiliye nhi ki wo capable nhi h balki is liye li wo mere choice ko bhi respect dete h. Kya Adi aise insaan ban payenge ? Aisa nhi h ki men ye sab seekh k aate h , lekin wo seekh lete h for they love. Or ye maine khud dekha h. Pinterest, youtube or insta se ideas lete hue , maine dekha h us insaan ko craft banate jo ki ek page ka answer likhne me 100 nakhre dikhata tha. Maine dekha h us insaan ko gift wrap krte, jisne kabhi kisi ko gift me ek pen nhi diya tha. Fir Adi kyu nhi ? Pyaar bahut khoobsurat ehsaas h or jab koi aapse pyaar krta h to aap grow krte ho har tarah se. Pr Mai to khud Khali ho rhi thi. Ye kaisa pyaar tha unka Jo mujhe khokhla kr rha tha. Kis baat ki saza mil rhi thi mujhe. Jab shuru me unki aankhen dekhti thi to usme apni liye respect dekhti thi. Care dekhti thi , haan tab wo maybe ye na kehte ho ki he loves me lekin wo har tarah se samjh aata tha mujhe. Pr ab , ab kya ho gya tha unhe ? Ab jaise mai unke liye thi hi nhi kuch , ek responsibility thi bas. Ya fir bas naam k liye. Ki meri takleef pr bhi unhe ab sarcasm krna tha. Mai ek aisi life nhi chahti. Pyaar, respect , care , I want everything.

Haan ab bhi hum baat krte h , pr ab mai unse naraz nhi hoti. Unke hug emojis ka reply to krti hoon lekin shayad hi ab unhe kabhi hug kr pau. Ab baar baar unke text ka intezaar nhi krti. Ab khud ko sambhal rhi. Khud ki energy wapas le rhi. Khud ko samet rhi. Apne maa baba k liye. Ab mai wait nhi kr rhi ki ek din wo mere liye change ho. Hona hoga to wo khud ho jayenge. Mere papa kehte h jeevan me stree ka hona hi sabse bada saubhagya hota h purush k liye, to agar wo mujhe apne jeevan me chahenge , to wo khud efforts kr lenge , abhi bhi , kal bhi or shayad 10 saal baad bhi. Unke prati mera samarpan , meri bhavnaye, meri prarthnaye sab shayad same h , lekin kuch change hua h to meri or unki equations.

To be continued.........

Ye story actually kuch chapters me samane wali nhi h , kyuki in 10 mahino me , lagbhag 300 dino me 300 nai kahaniyan or naye emotions h humare kuch ache , kuch emotional to kuch bahut takleef Dene Wale. Adi ne mujhe ek baar bola tha shuru me ki mai unpr or khud pr ek kahani likhu so ye story mai unke 16 dec, 10 months complete ho jane pr dungi. Haan is story k neeche mai to be continued likha h , kyuki if sab thik rha to mai fir aaungi, if story me kuch or chapters add krne , hopefully fun chapters. Or jab aaj se 10 saal baad hum dono mid night moonlight k neeche baith kr isko padhenge or ek dusre ko dekh k realise karenge ki hum dono kitni dur aagye ek dusre ka sath de kr. Ya fir aisa bhi ho sakta h ki Mai is story ko akele hi padhne aau. Kuch yaadon pr muskurane or kuch pr aansu bahane ya kuch yaadon se himmat lene. Maheshwar sab acha karenge.