Mere birthday k beetne k 5 din baad hum yani ki mai papa or mummy allahabad gye. Hostel dekhne. Wahan mere parents pehli baar Adi ko milne wale the , mai thori nervous thi sach kahun to. Pr hum subah car se nikle or time se wahan pahuch bhi gye. Adi pehle hi wait kr rhe the. Fir jab car ruki and hum bahar aaye to maine dur se hi unhe dekh liya. Yes he is tall enough to be recognised from afar. He came and he touched my parents feet. Uske baad humne ghoom ghoom kr dher saare hostels dekhe , but hostels se jayada I was enjoying the bond between my papa and Adi. Honestly whenever I see them together I don't know why mujhe bahut khushi milti hai. Alag hi feeling aati h. I love how my papa was asking for Adi's opinion every then and now. And also I loved how Adi responded to him. Bich me mauka milte hi maine undono ki sath me ek photo bhi li. Fir ek hostel final krne k baad , hum sab lunch pr gye , Adi ko sath le kr ofcourse, wahan pr I served him first. Kyuki jab wo meri family k sath ek table pr the to unki respect ko utmost rakhna meri responsibility hai. Unke upasthiti or anupasthiti dono me unke maan ka dhyan rakhna mai apna kartavya samjhti hoon. Haan I know , jab mai ye didi ko batati hoon to wo ye kehti hai ki mere paas Adi k jeevan me koi adhikar nhi h. Koi official naam nhi h , fir bhi mai unke prati ek unsaid or unauthorised duty ko nibha rhi pr mujhe pata nhi kyu ye apni duty lagti h or is duty ko nibhana acha lagta h. Ab ye sach me meri duty h ya meri bewkoofi , ye to samay hi batayega. Lekin jab tak sambhav h mai ise nibhaungi. Anyways coming back on the track , lunch k baad hum wapas aagye. Adi wahin the. Now hostel bhi final ho chuka tha and ab bas Mera shift hona baki tha but little did I know ki uske bich fir se kuch hone wala tha. Again the conflicts between me and Adi started. Choti baaton pr bhi hum behes kr lete the. And the thing that bothered me the most was his interest in his new friends. Wo ab mujhse adhik unko priority de rhe the. Mujhe akela chor wo unke sath Jane lage inspite knowing that I must be waiting for him. Or ye cheez mujhe nhi pasand thi unhe ye ache se pata tha. In sab k karan panic attacks bhi wapas se common ho gye the mere liye. Shubham k baare me jo jo chiz mujhe nhi pasand thi , Adi k sath wo same cheezen repeat hone lagi thi. Either wo apna bacha time friends ko dete the or mai kuch bolu to wo defensive behave krte the. Or ab Adi se jayada I was losing myself. Ghar or Adi k bich khud ko manage nhi kr pa rhi thi. Or fir se wo deep loneliness wali feeling aarhi thi mere andar. Aisa lag rha tha mano ab fir se kabhi kisi se baat krne ki himmat nhi hogi mujhme. Us time mujhe Adi ki jaroorat mehsoos hoti thi pr Adi available nhi the. Mostly if wo chat pr mere sath hote bhi the to bhi aisa lagta tha ki wo emotionally unavailable h mere liye. Mere chest me wapas se constant pain shuru ho gya tha. Ek ek din mere Jane k date ki bas taal rhe the hum log due to my health issues. Bag pack krne k baad bhi meri himmat nhi ho rhi thi mumma papa ko haan bolne ki. Sabse pehli wajah to ye thi ki mai apne family se dur ja rhi thi pr usse bhi badi wajah ye thi ki mai khud me better feel nhi kr rhi thi , sach kahun to aaj jab ye likh rhi , 3 months baad to bhi nhi kr rhi apna 100 percent feel pr tab maybe 50 percent bhi nhi thi. Fir bhi khud ko force kr k last August Mai wahan aai , Sunday k din, and I saw my papa mumma crying for me and I cried too . I cried alot. But fir Adi ne apni responsibility samjhi and he talked to me then. Wo shaam me Milne bhi aaye the mujhse. Sach bolu to unko face krne ka mann to nhi tha but he came with lots of fruits and chocolates. Fir dheere dheere Adi started being of track again but me ? No I wasn't. It was like ki pehle ka sab kuch unsettled h pr usko humne dhak diya , taki humara dhyan n jaye and we started focusing on other things. In between adi helped me alot regarding my colleges. To be honest, he is the very attractive when he is in his masculine energy. When he takes the charge. When he decides something. When he makes a decision. Or anything. Apart from the college hunt , hum movie bhi dekhne gye the. And we started enjoying our time together shuru ki tarah. But again , was I okay? Nope I wasn't.