Adi ko allahabad gye kuch time ho chuka tha , in fact time dheere dheere beet hi rha tha. Or fir mujhe bhi allahabad jana tha. Pr usse bhi jayada I was missing him badly. Unhone coaching bhi join kr liya tha or maybe wahan k environment me wo ache se rach bas gye the. Or mai ab left out feel krne lagi thi. Samjh nhi aarha tha ki suddenly ye sab kaise ho rha tha. Adi mostly busy rehte , not only with his studies but with his new friends as well. Apart from coaching ab unka social circle bhi change ho gya tha. I used to cry alone , whenever I used to miss him. Pr unhe text krne pr wo mostly busy hi hote. Jo adi mujhe har choti chiz update krte the wo ab mujhe text krna bhi bhul rhe the. Or mere andar ek deep feeling of left out aane lagi. Aisa nhi tha ki mai communicate krne ka try nhi kr rhi thi pr maybe unhe wo sab acha nhi lag rha tha. Mai nhi chahti thi ki wo wapas se peer pressure me aake apni padhai neglect kare. Mai nhi chahti thi ki wapas se wahi sab repeat ho. Sach kahun to baat jab unki aati h to mujhe kisi pr jaldi bharosa nhi hota. Fir un new logon pr kaise vishwas kr leti. Adi ko kai baar bolne ki koshish ki but jab bhi hum is topic pr baat krte to mostly Adi , offensive or defensive behave krne lage the. It's like ki pehle Jo Adi mere kehne pr aankhen band kr kuch bhi krne ready the , ab wo the hi nhi. Idher mere ghar bhi bahut kuch chal rha tha , or in dono aspect k bich buri fasi thi mai. Samjh nhi aata tha ki kya Karu or kisse baat karu. Adi bas kuch samay k liye aate. Aisa nhi tha ki unke paas bilkul time nhi tha ya wo har wakt padh rhe the but mostly aisa hota ki wo apna bacha hua wakt ya to apne new friends ko dena pasand kr rhe the ya to us jagah ko explore krne me. Haan explore krna bura nhi h pr the at the cost of me? Mai wapas se wo loneliness wale zone me ja rhi thi. I thought that slowly I was losing him. Wo jab bhi baat krte to bas according to his time line. Ya fir mostly hum me behes ho jati. Dheere dheere mujhe aisa ehsaas hone laga tha ki jaise ab wo mujhse thak gye h. He doesn't want me anymore. Na Ghar pr kuch theek tha or na hi inke sath mere terms ache the. Or fir ek raat Adi se aise hi behes hue , shaam se hi mujhe kuch thik nhi lag rha tha. Mai bas andhere me leti ro rhi thi or Adi se bhi behes ho gai thi. Pr sabse bura mujhe ye lag rha tha ki wo in sab cheezon ko communicate hi nhi krna chahte. And worst thing happened ki mai hurt hoon or ro rhi ye janne k baad bhi Adi so gye. Nope unke sone se mujhe koi pareshani nhi thi. Of course jo insaan din bhar idher udher busy rahega wo soyega pr again at my cost ? Inspite of knowing ki mai pain me hoon ? Nope , Adi to wo the jo mere neend khulne pr or ek message krne pr wapas se jaag jate the. Mujhe sula kr sote the. Poori raat mere liye ga sakte the taki sote wakt mai daru n. Pr ab inhe kya ho gya tha I don't know. Mujhe laga ki ab maine apne Adi ko shayad kho diya. Jo Adi unke andar maine dekha tha , ab wo kahin kho se gye. Mai lete hue ro hi rhi thi or wo chats dekh rhi thi jab fir wo mehsoos hua jisse mujhe khauf hai , panic attack. Wapas se ghabrahat shuru hui , aisa lag rha tha mano koi mere poore shareer ko jakad rha hai. Mai apne heart beat ko literally apne dimaag or kaano me feel kr sakti thi or fir meri saanse hi atak gai. Aisa laga ki jaise mai saans Lena bhul gai thi. Bahut mushkil se bahut koshish k baad mai saans le pa rhi thi. Khud ko force kr rhi thi breath krne k liye. Aisa laga mano ab or nhi hoga pr fir suddenly mere heart me mujhe ek sharp pain feel hua , or us pain k feel hone k baad I felt ki ab bhi zinda hoon mai. Mere aankhon se continue aansu nikal rhe the , or mai bas Adi ko hi soche ja rhi thi. Nhi ye pehli baar nhi tha jab ek insaan mujhe rota chor so gya tha. Khair wo soya nhi maybe acting hi kr rha hoga. Pr wo sab maine Adi ko bataya tha still he repeated. Haan shayad mai ye kahani superficially padh rhi hoti to mere mann me ek hi baat aati , ki mujhe unhe usi raat block kr dena chahiye tha but I didn't. Mai wait kr rhi thi ki shayad baat kr k sab sort hoga. Yes, fool me but I did.